My First real entry

[kingmike1224]

Well I decided to sit down and write my first real journal entry. Where to begin with this entry??? Hmmm...Well how about I start with how much I hate my life. 2 of my closest friends and I are fighting right now because one of them is a bitch, and the other is just rude. Although the rude friend claims to be neutral, it can be obviously seen that she is not. Well this wouldn't be soo much of a fucking problem but one of my friends went behind my back and is telling the bitch everything I have been saying..which is making it worse. I feel that all of my friends have turned their backs on me...and boy do i mean all...I hvae only like 4 people i talk to now because of this whole situation. I just can't seem to trust anybody anymore...I even had to change my AIM name because of it. It agrivates me to have to go to such lengthsjust to try to lead a normal life..and this is just all online...I feel that my friends online (with exceptions of a couple) hate me.

On top of this whole thing, i have been depressed about school and from my real "friends" are giving me the cold shoulder to boot. I mean almost everyone knows that is why I am planning on transferring to Stony Brook next semester (if i get in).

I mean seriously...I have to be the only 20 yr old who has a life like mine...never had a girlfriend...basically all my friends hate me...and suffering from depression...ooo fun life. All of this has me thinking terrible thoughts to myself that i just don't wanna think about...you know the standard...should i just stay offline for a couple of weeks...suck it up and apologize for their wrong doing...feelings of worthlessness....suicide...etc etc.

Anyway...this whole thing gets worse day by day...I guess that is enough for now...I'll try and write in here tomorrow!!

Comments

[pumuckl178.livejournal.com]

(((hugs))) i don't know if i count as an online-friend because we rarely speak to each other since the coffe house is closed, but i'd really like to change that ^_^
i hope things get better for you, i know how it feels when you suddenly find out that your friends are actually not your friends anymore.

[kingmike1224.livejournal.com]

Awww Christine...even though we don't talk alot does not change that you are a friend to me...thank you for your kind words...since the post i have made ammends with one of the two.

[msjerusalem.livejournal.com]

*hug* you sound like me last semester (and i thought i was the only depressed college kid with no friends. darn!). i would say it gets better but it might not. all i can say is i think that the less friends you have the more you're like a friend to those that are your friend. or quality over quantiy =P

[gabrieceleste.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear that you are having troubles. I can relate. Since moving I have had the hardest time staying connected with my friends. People who are important to me and I thought cared about me. It hurts a lot. I also struggle with depression and stuff.

~m